You never wanted me to succeed

You always thought I was not good enough

The questions and doubts you threw at me

Nothing was sacred to you

Not your wife or your family

If you never wanted us then why did you do it?

Give me an answer, scold me, push me away as you always did

Tell me, tell me father?

I could have been better

I could have been normal

Didn’t I deserve a normal childhood?

Couldn’t you give us that?

Mother died wanting your love

She gave all to you, to us

But you didn’t bother

You were preoccupied

You had all the eyes on you

The admirers of aristocracy

The society at large

You wanted all

The bling & the filth

Your eyes were turned outside

But we all were inside

Couldn’t you spare just 5 minutes of undivided attention for us?

Was it much to ask?

What does a child need which a parent can’t give?

Just love

And dare you not blame it on your father

Don’t be that coward

Take the responsibility like you always told me to

Take it!

But you won’t – This was not your fault, right?

The cliché you’re – A definition of a hypocrite…




I had my career

I wanted more from life

I wanted your mother, I loved her dearly but couldn’t show her

I thought I had time but I was wrong

Normal, you say? I wanted normal, I craved for it but I was under debts

Debts of our living, of my father

My father never loved me, he was distant & cold but I never wanted that with you & your younger brother

I loved you both immensely

I never wanted to hurt you

I was poor in my childhood and had no siblings

So, I wanted you to enjoy all the luxury, all the goods of a decent life

To give you sanity; I lost myself

I don’t know when I tipped over, but maybe when your mother departed – I just gave up

Not on you or your brother

But on myself & my life

I became lost

I started questioning all

The nature, the deity and its religions

I succumbed to debauchery

I leaped into chaos because I was afraid of emptiness

The silence which lay on the corridors of our house

I ran from reality, I know, I did consciously, I became aware

Aware of the facade – how life takes and takes, how it breaks you

How easily on one fine day, the life you thought is perfect, just crumbles

And I wish, I sincerely do, it never happens to you

You be my immortal son!


Your mother was everything to me, she was

And I am sorry, her demise made you both, the collaterals

But I was angry, I was in rage with life, with myself

My absence became the antidote

I thought, I would be a bad influence

So, I stayed away, kept you shielded from my morbidity

The harms of realities

I just wanted to disappear

You say, I never wanted you

But it was your memory

The memory of you and your brother, along with your mother that kept me alive for all these years

When you were little at about waist length of your mother

I took you out for picnics & outings

You were so happy

The smile reached your eyes

You were too small to remember it

But I remember everything son, I do


I know you will always hate me and think I killed your mother

But remember this son

Don’t be me

Love your family, as time is cruel

It will punch you and knock you out if you’re not careful

The sand will escape from the hourglass before you realize


And in the end – forgive me, forgive me son for what I was once…